Checked in with Dr Devine, my colo-rectal surgeon, this morning. The incision and bowel seem to be healing fine: lots of smiles all around. So Jo & I did some errands, made sure I’m stocked on meds, said goodbye to Doug, and motored east to Norwalk. Now I’m back where I belong, sharing the couch with Flopsy.
Another step towards normalcy: On the way home to Norwalk, we stopped at the Do-It Center in Sparta. This is one of the local places I frequent in search of tools, building supplies, and the like. Today, with Jo, I was walking up & down the aisles helping Jo pick up a few things for the cabin. Step by step getting stronger and feeling more comfortable with and in this body.
I know that “normal” is an illusion, but there is a comfort & even healthy pleasure in approximating the patterns of ones life, especially when it appeared to be largely well-lived and wholesome. The disruptions of living in the hospital and having lots of strange chemicals coursing though one can play havoc with what once felt like normal. Then there’s the new “medical normal,” which is kind of weird. (Of course, I’ve lived much of my life in ways that many would find weird or unusual, so a little weird isn’t quite the issue.)
While the body is not-self, according to the Buddha, it pretty much seems to be “me,” but that has been less the case these last four months of colostomy, chemo, and consequences. With my transverse colon back where it belongs, tho 4-5 inches shorter, this body feels more like the me I remember (not forgetting how fickle memory is). Further, I’ve been graduating from some of the meds, which gives hope of being more the “me” that I like or pretend to be.
To put it more simply, feels good. I’m happy to be home.
Love, gratitude, and warm wishes to all.
p.s. Chris Hedges is a powerful truth teller; He takes strong, clear moral stands that I respect. His book War is a Force that Gives Us Meaning was one of my most influential reads last year. You might enjoy this recent article: Why the United States is Destroying Its Education System.